It can be pretty difficult to enjoy the day to day process of life sometimes. There’s always somewhere I want to go, and something I’m trying to achieve, and it’s easy to think, “If I make it there, if I finish this project, if I end up in this position, I’ll be happy and fulfilled.” I think that was a huge aspect of why I became very unhappy, and my mental health suffered, in my late teens and early twenties.
Nothing was enough.
It didn’t matter that my website was successful, because I wanted to succeed at acting. It didn’t matter that I was healthy, I wanted to be thinner. It didn’t matter that I was thinking outside of the box and trying new hobbies, I wanted to be really good at them and excelling even further.
In my current world of hobbies, which includes writing, violin, and Japanese, I’ve recently become aware of my lack of enjoyment of the process of just doing these things day-to-day, instead of hoping to achieve something eventually.
With my online writing, I was in the mindset of “You need get your career online again if you want the life you hope for, so figure it out! Make your site successful!” With Japanese, it was, “Why aren’t you dedicating yourself to your studies again? You’re never going to become fluent if you’re not dedicated!” With violin, it’s been more about finding time to practice, and allowing myself to just stay at the same level and enjoy playing without feeling like I need to become a virtuoso or go busking immediately. To just let it be enjoyable, now.
I was reading a bit about the “Law of Attraction” which I think comes back to this and ties in rather well. It explains that everything that happens in your life comes back to your thoughts, and you attract what your mindset brings to you. If I’m enjoying the process, I can still visualize, from a place of happiness and contentment, where I’d eventually like to be. This doesn’t have to mean I’m in a rush to get there.
It can mean my thoughts are reflecting my aspirations, instead of my perceived lack of talent and poor self-control.
Since, at the end of the day, it’s important to be kind to yourself. I’m trying to do that. To just allow myself to enjoy life, let my hobbies and goals provide fulfillment, without letting them add stress to my day.
This whole sentiment applies to so many areas: relationships (going with the flow and enjoying them without too many expectations), becoming healthier (not crash dieting or doing crazy things and listening to your body), and just becoming an adult and not getting too caught up in the fine details of where I’ll end up eventually.